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Derez - Reassurance

Would it hurt to reimburse my reassurance?
Or is it bad enough to be happy, I need a person
Accidents happen.. I keep believing I need a purpose
I been so down, I can literally see the surface
I need to work on myself, cus these demons lurkin'
But how when I'm so negative, can't be determined
Socially awkward, never been a people person
Don't talk much, it just seem so worthless
Since nobody wanna listen, I speak in verses
I don't even look up to people who's seen as perfect
Put my trust in anybody.. you can see I'm nervous
It branched from my family tree, so when they leave, its hurtin'
Not comfortable enough to believe the words I read in cursive
Kept my guard up my whole life, and indeed its workin'
Scared my next chick gon start cheatin', flirtin'
So before I tell you whats wrong, I need some reassurance
Got me thinkin' like why bother? What would change if I call her?
Why when they ain't willing to try, you feel the need to try harder?
Tired, nauseous, high conscious, then my eyes wander
Guys talkin', wonderin' why I hide from it
I don't even smoke with my friends.. rather be high on my own
Why? Cus in my eyes, its the only time I can cope
Think about my life like should I cry to my folks?
Or keep the 4-5 on my side, ready to die, rise to my dome, BOOM!
Too many puzzles for my simple brain, so I try to be peaceful
Cared less about they preference, I'll align em as equal
I stopped lyin' to people cus thats highly deceitful
Nice guy outside but in my mind I'm just evil
And those just thoughts bout myself, like why you so emo
How? When I feel so giant, but I am just see through
Ever have the love of your life try and just leave you?
So high on a pedastol, you don't see who's crying beneath you?
Monsters in my head, can't even a be a person
All I ever wanted was some reassurance